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How to Cure the Common Cold

April 1st, 2010

Not by taking anything sold over the counter, or even anything behind the pharmacy counter requiring a signature (damn you crack dealers!)!

This is a topic very much on my mind right now since I appear to have been afflicted with the “Welcome Spring I feel like Crap” influenza.  And every time I’m afflicted I go through the same buying cycle.  I run to the store and stock up on everything that promises to be “maximum strength”.  I get liquids and gel caps and powders to mix and none of it works.  I spend a small fortune and load my system up with toxins that may plague my internal systems for the rest of my life – and still no relief.

The odd thing is when asked about the efficacy of these products I can answer with certainty – they don’t work.  And yet, I run to them at the first sign of heavy-duty sniffles.

I think we do this because having a cold makes us feel as though some foreign influence has control over our bodies and we’re looking for a way to regain that control.  What better way of gaining control that to throw money at the problem.

Sometimes I make it to Day 3 of my cold valiantly fighting the urge to stock up on all of this worthless crap – but then I break – I can’t take it anymore – I need something!!!  And off to the pharmacy I run.

If I’ve learned one thing from this fruitless and expensive habit it’s this: I need to come up with a product that doesn’t cure an annoying problem for which a worthless product does not already exist.  Then you’ll all flock to the store to buy my product and make me rich.  Hmmm let’s see – I’m thinking I’ll manufacture a pill for those days when you feel unmotivated and vague.  If I start now I should have my house in Antigua by this time next year.  And you’ll still feel unmotivated and vague – but a little more in control!

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/1001/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

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