In This New Year. Will We Finally Shed Those Unwanted Pounds or Will We Instead Choke Our Jenny Representative to Death? Tough Choice.

January 12th, 2012

As each year draws to a close there are certain traditions that are observed. We enter the holiday season with an eye toward sharing, festivities, thankfulness.

We move away from those aspects of the old year that were less than ideal in the hope of a more rewarding future. Our goodbyes are facilitated by year-end rituals that leave us feeling bittersweet – auld lang syne.

Having a Happy New Year?

Having a Happy New Year?

Unfortunately, the creators of every gimmicky weight loss and exercise schtick imaginable somehow got the impression that shedding the excess weight that we’ve been grudgingly lugging around as part of our past – whether longstanding or a result of holiday binge-ing – is an integral part of the season and its rituals. They remind us of this torturous fact about 1,000 times a day throughout the holidays and well into the New Year.

That means the majority of us in the already stressful throes of ‘tidings and good cheer’ are bombarded by youthful and slammin’ bikini clad nymphets or recently rejuvenated celebrities to remind us of two things as we cruise through the holiday parties and into the New Year, 1st that we look like crap (thanks – it’s the perfect reminder as we frantically dig through our wardrobe for something that will zip in preparation of the next cocktail soiree), and 2nd that we are gluttonous slugs (because that message always makes us feel good about being alive!).

In addition to messaging so inappropriately demoralizing that it could kill your buzz on the day you were released from death row, they want you to spent a butt-load (and for some of us that represents a substantial amount – no pun intended) of money to boot!

Having tried virtually every kind of weight loss program over the years, I can assure you of one thing, there are four possible outcomes to any of these programs, which are:

  • They won’t work
  • They will work only if you also diet and exercise obsessively
  • They’ll be so onerous you’ll quit before you know if they work
  • They’ll make you so sick you’ll have to quit before you know if they work

I can assure you I’ve experience all four outcomes.

Many of these companies are making huge profits so they’re not about to change, however, I have a firm policy of not spending money with folks who make me feel like crap. The ones that make me feel like crap during the holidays and into the hope filled New Year – may they rot in a festering pool of Bowflex sweat and fat burning molecules!

Also seen on Menologues, Vibrant Nation and Alltop.